A Guide to Your Temperamental Teen

If you're having a hard time figuring out your teenager, you're not alone. Author and veteran youth worker Jim Burns is one of five experts answering parents' toughest questions in Christian Parenting Today's book How to Parent Your Teen Without Losing Your Mind (Broadman & Holman), due in stores in January. According to Burns, knowing what's happening inside your teenager can help you solve problems in a loving, productive way. Burns says teenagers tend to be:

Self-absorbed:

There are so many transformations going on in their lives that it's almost impossible for teens not to be focused on themselves. The same child who a few years ago was kind and sweet and other-centered might now make a statement like, "Why would Grandpa die on a Saturday and ruin my weekend?" Keep in mind that your teenager isn't acting this way just to bother you. In his mind, his perceptions are reality. You can help him return to a caring, compassionate, respectful human being by modeling those traits in your own life. Be patient with your teen and consistent in your own actions, and in time you'll see him return to someone who thinks of others.

Experimental:

Statistics show that the teenage years are often when kids take their first drink of alcohol and/or experiment with drugs. A majority of kids will have sexual intercourse before they reach adulthood. That doesn't mean your child will experiment, but don't be surprised if she does. While your child's curiosity can certainly lead to tremendous trouble, remember that not all experimental behavior leads to a crisis. This is a time of exploration, increasing freedom, and a great deal of learning. That's why your teen needs your calm, consistent presence more than ever.

Searching for a sense of self:

This is the season when kids establish lasting relationships with peers, experience a changing relationship with their parents, and hopefully solidify a relationship with God. Your teen needs your guidance to develop the wisdom to choose friends who build him up, not tear him down. He needs your unconditional love and grace to keep the lines of communication open between you. He needs your example of a vibrant, relevant faith to deepen his own understanding of how God is at work in his life.

Emotional:

Guilt, passion, anxiety, fear, and anger are just a few of the many intense emotions your teen can experience on a daily?even hourly?basis. Your patience and understanding are crucial to helping her find healthy and appropriate ways to express her emotions.

Perhaps the most important gift you can give to your ever-changing teenager is the belief that he is loved by God and by you, even in the midst of these often tumultuous years.

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