A Saner Service

If your kids need to sit through "big church," use these tips to help them get the most out of the service—and preserve your own sanity too:

Talk beforehand—perhaps in the car on the way to church or quietly during the prelude—about the service. Explain what usually happens and the kind of behavior you want to see in your children.
Discuss consequences for misbehavior. If your kids do misbehave, remove them from the situation and follow through with the consequences.
Before you find a place to sit in the service, head to the bathroom. This eliminates a common disruption during the sermon.
Sit near the front. Children like to see what's going on.
Take along an activity bag—Bible storybooks, coloring books, crayons, blank paper. Urge your kids to draw pictures related to what's going on.
Encourage participation at their level. Kids can sing, sit quietly with hands folded during prayer times, and stand and sit on cue with the rest of the congregation.

Your Support Network

Other Christian parents can be an essential part of your parenting efforts. In most churches, the best parents' groups happen organically. Still, you'll need some guidelines to make your time together meaningful. Here are some keys to an effective small group for parents:

Have an objective

Decide if you'll tackle general parenting issues, or something more specific—troubled teenagers, homeschooling, or the terrible twos.

Encourage education

In addition to discussion-oriented meetings, bring in experts occasionally to add new perspectives. Check local colleges or community agencies to find pros on issues like schooling, child development, conflict, etc. Church staff in youth or children's ministries are also a good source of expertise.

Create discussion

Support groups work best when members freely share experiences, strategies, and feelings. Leaders should facilitate conversations without dominating them.

Establish ground rules

Set expectations for group behavior. Make decisions about when and where to meet, keeping confidential what's said within the group, and not passing judgment on other group members.

Provide childcare

Parenting support groups tend to focus on children's problems, which can be hard to discuss if children are present. Recruit a volunteer—or hire a responsible teen—to supervise young kids during meetings.

Real Religion

A recent study of teenagers who attended church during their childhood found that for most of them, their church experience was a positive part of their lives. Nearly 9 out of 10 churched teenagers said their church experience exposed them to Bible stories (95%), taught them about the lives of great people in the Bible (92%), and gave them a fun experiences related to religion (89%). But only half (53%) said their church experience helped them understand the Bible well enough to help them make decisions based on biblical principles.

One solution to this situation is for parents to model biblical decision making for our children. When you have a choice to make, let your children see you use the Bible and prayer as your guide. Show them that all that great stuff they're learning in church really does have something to do with their lives.

Brad Lewis, a member of the CPT Advisory Board, lives with his wife and two sons in Colorado Springs.

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