Teaching Compassion

Q. Our 15-year-old seems so self-centered sometimes. How can we help her start thinking about the needs of other people?

A. Compassion is one of the most important character traits we can nurture in our children. Yet our culture encourages selfishness. If we want our children to develop servant hearts, we need to give them opportunities to serve. Fortunately, teenagers are usually eager to put their gifts to good use. They want to impact their world, and Christian service is a wonderful way to help them quench that craving.

Last year, I went with my two oldest daughters on a church mission trip to Mexico. They were lukewarm about participating after they heard that there was no guarantee of blow dryers and that we were bringing our own toilet paper!

The first night I received mixed reviews from the girls. They didn't like the food and they didn't like the bugs. (I didn't like the food or the bugs either.)

But by noon the next day we had fallen in love with the village and its children. The food wasn't any better and the bugs had actually gotten worse, but it didn't seem to matter as much. After a couple more days of leading Vacation Bible School and putting in hours of hard labor to build a church, we wanted to stay longer. We were the first to sign up for the next mission trip.

What happened? Our hearts were broken with what breaks the heart of God. We felt like God was at work through our meager attempts of ministry. That's humbling and rewarding.

This trip was one attempt at countering the "me-first" message of our culture. While my wife, Cathy, and I are constantly challenged by this task, we have learned a few things along the way:

Serve as a family

A mission trip to another country or a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter is usually uncomfortable for teenagers (and sometimes for parents, too), but the results are almost always worth it. Don't force your kids into something too far beyond their comfort zone, but stretch them and yourself by serving in ways that are new for all of you. Don't be surprised if your teenagers are less than excited about the experience before it begins. Once they discover how amazing it feels to give to others, they'll be hooked.

Give together

Make involvement in stewardship a total family affair. At the end of the year, we set aside a certain amount for each family member to donate to the mission or charity of their choice. We talk and pray together about our ideas, then make our giving decisions as a family. You don't have to limit this to just a yearly experience. Consider doing the same whenever you give to your church and missions.

Support missions

Pray for and discuss the needs of missions and service programs. At Christmas we use an advent tree to pray for people around the world. Pictures of the two children we sponsor through Compassion International are posted on our refrigerator, as well as pictures of the missionaries we sponsor as a family. We try to pray for them regularly and keep information about them flowing to all the family members.

Meet missionaries

We want our girls to know real, live missionaries who have a passion for ministry and are incredibly inspirational, but who are also normal people who can relate to our family. Knowing people who are missionaries also dispels major myths your kids may have about what a missionary is like.

EXPERIENTIAL EDUCATION is so much more effective then telling our kids they should be more compassionate because they have it so good. Guilt doesn't work, but serving does and all of us can humbly be used by God to make a difference.

Jim Burns is an author, speaker, and the president of YouthBuilders (youthbuilders.com).

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