Raising Courageous Daughters

2. Ask and value her opinion.

When she comes to you with a playground problem, ask her first what she thinks would help the situation rather than launching into a solution yourself. You may have to help her work through that solution before she lands in a helpful place, but allow her the opportunity to work it through first. Similarly, if you have an older daughter, help her discover what she thinks. If you've just heard a great sermon or seen an interesting movie, ask for her opinion before you share your own. An eighth grader told me years ago that it was difficult for her to think for herself when there were so many voices around her. Social media has multiplied this problem exponentially for many girls. For your daughter to think for herself, she needs opportunities to do so. Asking thoughtful questions can be one of the best tools to help her get there.

3. Give her opportunities to give.

Numerous studies say that one of the best ways to build confidence in children is to help them discover that they matter. Volunteer as a family. Go on a mission trip. Sponsor a family for Christmas. Find a family with similar ages and have your child buy the gifts for that child. Let her find places to actually experience that she can make a difference in someone else's life.

4. Name the good and giftedness you see inside of her.

The last chapter in our book Raising Girls, which I coauthored with Melissa Trevathan, is called "Naming Girls." In it, we talk about these very ideas. We quote a section in Madeleine L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time in which she describes a conversation between the main character Meg and a cherubim who describes the duties of a "Namer." It reads, "When I was memorizing the names of the stars, part of the purpose was to help them each be more particularly the particular star each one was meant to be. That's basically a Namer's job." Like a Namer, when you see your daughter show great kindness, point it out to her. Encourage the way she loves her little brother. Praise her for her courage. Notice when you see her choose not to hide in the bathroom—and tell her. She will be empowered . . . and you might just be too.

Sissy Goff, M.Ed., LPC-MHSP is the Director of Child and Adolescent Counseling at Daystar Counseling Ministries and the author of six books including Intentional Parenting. You can find her at www.RaisingBoysAndGirls.com.

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